#63.

Man , i wish i had just applied to Jack in the Box at Baldwin Park Blvd. from the Getgo , and not even bothered with Wendy's b'llsh't . Wendy's literally , basically , wasted my whole gddmn time with their fake promises and their b'llcr'p suspensions . I've literally been stressed out for nothing , or what could have been nothing .

i was trying so hard to get back to a place where i knew they would not only mistreat the pushover's but also threaten their employee's if they didn't get on their hands and knees and work then they would get fired , or maybe just sent home with a write - up . but even that is a bit over - the - top extreme .
but at rubio's or jack or even bk , they asked me if i wanted to do it and i had the option of saying no .

each time i got hired at a new company , i was always so shocked at how well they treated me , and how they never made me do anything that i didn't have to do . unlike the bullcr'p i had to do at Wendy's ...

i don't know why i felt too comfortable to want to leave the company at a place i felt i had to bust my ass for b'tches when i rlly didn't need to .

When Wendy's first hired me they added the fake promise of getting promoted , LIKE TORRANCE DID , and every shift in the first month where i felt that they were just lagging on the idea and promoted someone else , it just encouraged me to just give up and not want the promotion anyway , so i slacked off with my attendance sh't , cause to me , what the hell was the point in trying and busting my ass for a promotion that was prolly gonna take 6 months - 1 year when they had promised me that it would come through within a couple of weeks .
Wendy's if full of sh't .

I owe the company big time though for taking a chance on me when i had no experience in working with food .  It was my first job since like 6 years from being off work .
And having this first - time job , rlly shaped me up and matured me to the point where i could handle responsibilities and manage priorities .
All the friends i had from Glendale and the friends i would make , (except for Hanna and Carrie) , were babied our whole lives , and would always just ask for money and , plop , our bank accounts would never go empty .
living on my own , away from all my friends , really helped me open my eyes and show me , hey , being babied my whole life won't ever let me grow up . I need to figure things out on my own , and do things for myself . Not let people shop for me , give me free money , tell me what to eat or cook my food , or even tell me what music to listen to .
It's called finding out who you are and being comfortable being yourself . and having people run my life like how Marie did for me in High School , and then when she passed i let Meyrl & Julian run my life , i would never have been able to find out who i was if i continued the way i was going .

That's not to say i'm not grateful for my aunt passing on to me all her belongings and being a mother to me .
i just feel everything happened the way it was supposed to , because everything that happened in my life was for a reason , and adding up each and every one of the events , it all just makes sense the way they happened and when it all happened too .
I consider myself lucky that i may have been born into the oddest situation of a family , coming from parents who met at a Mental Clinic , and got married and had a child and raised their child in the dirtiest location ... i was gifted guardian angels ; Marie and George .

And the patience Marie had shown when i was a teenager , struggling to understand why i felt the way i felt , and would throw tantrums because i didn't understand why i couldn't keep up and follow along with all the other kids in my classes . By the way---  i knew it couldn't just be laziness ... I knew that it was something else because when i rlly did my best and try my hardest to focus and follow along with the class , i ended up losing them and getting completely lost on what to do and how to do it right in the middle of the whole class beginning the assignment that was given after the lecture was done . i would always get lost in the middle of the lecture , and that's what would hold me behind .
it was all so frustrating , and i would get mad at myself for not being able to keep up with the class and start feeling like i was worthless and good for nothing .

Sped happened at the right moment , although it would have been a lot more nice if i was able to get accepted into the program in Middle School so i wouldn't have struggled all those extra years , but at least i  got in .

Josh happened at the perfect time , Lomita , Ventura , Moving back with Linda , moving in with my aunt , my aunt being there for me to help me sort out my learning disabilities with having to undergo years and years of therapy , getting my drivers license the last possible minute at the age of 20  ,  going to GCC instead of an out of state college , staying an extra year in high school just to be able to cross the stage and get a high school diploma , having my gallbladder removal surgery on my aunt's birthday , getting hired at Wendy's on my own birthday , and moving to W . Covina ... they all happened at the precise right moment of my life . I feel like if anything happened sooner than when it was supposed to , i would be lost and things wouldn't be as great as they are today .

the reason Josh feels bad towards me is cause he has just been trying to motivate an unmotivated / uninspired person
and that always gets frustrating cuz it seems like the other person doesn't care , when in fact they do appreciate the effort , it's just they got too much bullshit going on in their head
and that's where i was at . i had too many things happening in my brain that i was overwhelmed with everything that i just needed to take a breather and let my mind settle .