#63.

Man , i wish i had just applied to Jack in the Box at Baldwin Park Blvd. from the Getgo , and not even bothered with Wendy's b'llsh't . Wendy's literally , basically , wasted my whole gddmn time with their fake promises and their b'llcr'p suspensions . I've literally been stressed out for nothing , or what could have been nothing .

i was trying so hard to get back to a place where i knew they would not only mistreat the pushover's but also threaten their employee's if they didn't get on their hands and knees and work then they would get fired , or maybe just sent home with a write - up . but even that is a bit over - the - top extreme .
but at rubio's or jack or even bk , they asked me if i wanted to do it and i had the option of saying no .

each time i got hired at a new company , i was always so shocked at how well they treated me , and how they never made me do anything that i didn't have to do . unlike the bullcr'p i had to do at Wendy's ...

i don't know why i felt too comfortable to want to leave the company at a place i felt i had to bust my ass for b'tches when i rlly didn't need to .

When Wendy's first hired me they added the fake promise of getting promoted , LIKE TORRANCE DID , and every shift in the first month where i felt that they were just lagging on the idea and promoted someone else , it just encouraged me to just give up and not want the promotion anyway , so i slacked off with my attendance sh't , cause to me , what the hell was the point in trying and busting my ass for a promotion that was prolly gonna take 6 months - 1 year when they had promised me that it would come through within a couple of weeks .
Wendy's if full of sh't .

I owe the company big time though for taking a chance on me when i had no experience in working with food .  It was my first job since like 6 years from being off work .
And having this first - time job , rlly shaped me up and matured me to the point where i could handle responsibilities and manage priorities .
All the friends i had from Glendale and the friends i would make , (except for Hanna and Carrie) , were babied our whole lives , and would always just ask for money and , plop , our bank accounts would never go empty .
living on my own , away from all my friends , really helped me open my eyes and show me , hey , being babied my whole life won't ever let me grow up . I need to figure things out on my own , and do things for myself . Not let people shop for me , give me free money , tell me what to eat or cook my food , or even tell me what music to listen to .
It's called finding out who you are and being comfortable being yourself . and having people run my life like how Marie did for me in High School , and then when she passed i let Meyrl & Julian run my life , i would never have been able to find out who i was if i continued the way i was going .

That's not to say i'm not grateful for my aunt passing on to me all her belongings and being a mother to me .
i just feel everything happened the way it was supposed to , because everything that happened in my life was for a reason , and adding up each and every one of the events , it all just makes sense the way they happened and when it all happened too .
I consider myself lucky that i may have been born into the oddest situation of a family , coming from parents who met at a Mental Clinic , and got married and had a child and raised their child in the dirtiest location ... i was gifted guardian angels ; Marie and George .

And the patience Marie had shown when i was a teenager , struggling to understand why i felt the way i felt , and would throw tantrums because i didn't understand why i couldn't keep up and follow along with all the other kids in my classes . By the way---  i knew it couldn't just be laziness ... I knew that it was something else because when i rlly did my best and try my hardest to focus and follow along with the class , i ended up losing them and getting completely lost on what to do and how to do it right in the middle of the whole class beginning the assignment that was given after the lecture was done . i would always get lost in the middle of the lecture , and that's what would hold me behind .
it was all so frustrating , and i would get mad at myself for not being able to keep up with the class and start feeling like i was worthless and good for nothing .

Sped happened at the right moment , although it would have been a lot more nice if i was able to get accepted into the program in Middle School so i wouldn't have struggled all those extra years , but at least i  got in .

Josh happened at the perfect time , Lomita , Ventura , Moving back with Linda , moving in with my aunt , my aunt being there for me to help me sort out my learning disabilities with having to undergo years and years of therapy , getting my drivers license the last possible minute at the age of 20  ,  going to GCC instead of an out of state college , staying an extra year in high school just to be able to cross the stage and get a high school diploma , having my gallbladder removal surgery on my aunt's birthday , getting hired at Wendy's on my own birthday , and moving to W . Covina ... they all happened at the precise right moment of my life . I feel like if anything happened sooner than when it was supposed to , i would be lost and things wouldn't be as great as they are today .

the reason Josh feels bad towards me is cause he has just been trying to motivate an unmotivated / uninspired person
and that always gets frustrating cuz it seems like the other person doesn't care , when in fact they do appreciate the effort , it's just they got too much bullshit going on in their head
and that's where i was at . i had too many things happening in my brain that i was overwhelmed with everything that i just needed to take a breather and let my mind settle .

#62.

9 Years later , and i feel like a completely different person from when i used to write in this blog consistently .

Almost a whole decade has passed from when i was a complete spoiled brat who didn't need to work a minute in her life to having life smack me across the fact and show me how hard it is to be on your own in this day and age . 

Looking back to the previous posts and i can't even believe all of the constant get - together's i had with my friends . 'Specially compared to now ... Now I hardly ever go out , mainly because i have to work extra hard and even on days where i'm not even scheduled to work just because i want a decent paycheck to be able to pay my rent , which is a bi - weekly agreement , and also to have money for groceries & to save up for either a car , or for new stuff that i may need . Not to mention also trying to set aside some time to spend with my boyfriend of , starting tomorrow , 6 months . 

After i sold the house i grew up in , in Glendale , I couldn't fathom living anywhere near my hometown , so after i took Bartending Classes in Torrance , I had fallen in love with the whole Beach - Side living area of LA , and decided if I were to ever sell the house and move somewhere new , I'd definitely do my best to try to move to the South Bay area . 
And that's what I did , in March of 2012 . 

It was a lovely start , moving into a room for rent in a pretty spacious house on Greenwood Ave . in Torrance . 
And that literally only lasted me up until November 2012 . There were roommate issues when the chick renting a room next to mine decided to move back with her parents and a new older lady who was the Spawn of Satan , moved in . She was the ABSOLUTE worst .

She even went as far as to locking me out of my room when i had showered one morning , because i didn't let her shower first . I had to call a locksmith and pay (out of my own pocket , mind you .) $300 to change the lock just to get inside my room . She had locked me out when all i had was my dirty pajamas & bathroom toiletries for the shower . i was barely in towels when i found out she locked me out of my room . 
Absolute bitch .

Anyway , after that incident i decided to try my best to find an apartment to rent cuz after that whole ordeal and numerous other incidents with this lady i told myself you may get lonely and want to live with someone but think of the crap you just had to go through with that housemate , do you think being lonely would be worth the risk ??
ABSOLUTELY NOT . 

I had found this HUGE apartment for rent in the outskirts of Torrance and Wilmington in a small section of the city called 'Lomita' in the 'Harbor City' District area . It was right off of the busy af Western Ave . in between Lomita Ave . and PCH . It was the perfect location , seeing as i LOVE the sound of traffic to fall asleep to , and also the SPACIOUS af

1 bedroom 1 bathroom apartment that it was . 

It even had a locked garage to store my car into , so that i wouldn't have to stress about having my car stolen from having to park it on the street . 

but , even when i did have to park my car on the street cuz i couldn't find the garage remote , i parked it on a side street and just sprinted home . i couldn't be asked to handle / deal with the stress of someone breaking into my car or even worse , car - jacking it . 

Throughout the 4 years that i resided at my first apartment , i had acquired the perfect amount of furniture that made the place finally feel & look like a homey - comfort feeling . 

when i first landed the apartment , i first bought a fridge (because my current fridge was a mini - fridge , and would either freeze the food i'd store in it , or wouldn't be cold enough . So , i ended up just using that mini - fridge as a place to store my alcohol when i had company over .) , and also a set of couches for the living room .

I had my small 18 inch telly my aunt had gotten for me when she redecorated my room as a surprise for when i got home from my Europe trip . Which was perfect for my teenaged bedroom , but for that apartment was WAY too tiny . That living room alone was ginormous , a 60 inch telly would even fit in that room .

Throughout the years , i had bought a telly stand for the living room from the same place i had bought the set of couches , and since that lady who sold them to me remembered me , she had let me take home a Floor Lamp for free . And i chose the Floor Lamp that was incredibly unique . It had attached to it , like a little table stand to set drinks or things alike on . It was perfect for the living room , only if it had more outlets ...

After saving up some money from working , i was able to furnish the rest of the apartment with a 55 inch screen telly , 2 bookcases to store all my DVDs in , and a Dining Room Table set which was the last set of furniture i had furnished the apartment with . As for the bedroom , i had bought a white set of chest of drawers and a dresser . A new full - sized bed , a large 60 inch wide desk with the most expensive item I've ever purchased before : a 27 inch iMac Pro Computer . As well as the 40 inch telly i had first bought to replace the 18 inch telly from my teenaged bedroom .

The apartment was finally perfect enough , and then i quit my job at Wendy's which was a mistake , and i didn't Lyft enough to be able to pay rent and had to move out .

But within those 4 years at that apartment , i found myself .

Through all my depressive states , and different group of friends , and also the first time i landed a job since high school and the different jobs i went through , it was a beautiful learning experience to how adulthood was .

I first started to go back to school in that apartment , and was finally able to handle the workload and get A's and B's for my final grades .

Then Wendy's first hired me on my birthday of 2013 , and i worked really hard to keep that job until 2016 .

and i also tried to accomplish working two jobs at once when i worked at Rubio's , and although that was one of the toughest things I've ever had to do , it was a good way to push myself to do better and to show myself i can be able to do it and not just giving up because i was too exhausted .

Managing all those bills was a toughy for me in the end , but i was able to do it all myself . Sure there were a couple of bumps along the way when i had to choose either to feed myself or if i wanted to have wifi and cable . but i was able to handle all of the responsibilities that comes with living on your own and being apart of adulthood.

Not speaking of the 6 months i had moved from Lomita to Ventura and then moving from Ventura into my Mom's living room , i'm finally at a place where i can start fresh in W . Covina , and if i allow myself to continue to do better , i won't have to rent a room for much longer . Sure i miss my social life , but to me , the most important thing right now is to save up to get back to where i was before when i took , living alone in an apartment , for granted .    

Right now , I'm in between jobs . Hoping to score an interview by tomorrow with a nearby Jack , also hoping to have my days back at my current job Wendy's from a suspension i feel was undeserved , especially with the reasoning that went behind it , which happened to be because i used a manager code to get my employee discount for my lunch that apparently 2 other co-workers used before i even did it , yet i got suspended for it .

My boss was also upset that the previous shift i had asked the manager that was in charge , if i could have a free lunch because i didn't have any money to eat until i had cashed my check , and the manager in charge okay'd the free lunch . Then when the Store Manager came in and saw that i had food stuffed in my backpack from the lunch i didn't finish , he thought i was stealing it . 

To be fair , i shouldn't have gotten a lunch at all that next shift cuz i knew he was on my case because he thought i was stealing food . but i was doing a 8.5 hour shift and i was rlly hungry ... still . I should have known better . 

Life is getting better , and will continue to be getting better once i'm able to live on my own again . Until then , i'll be working my ass off trying to stay above water , getting myself out of debt . 

Gonna just analyze some Poems , and do some History 02 studying for the rest of the day until i call Jack . 

Have a good rest of your morning , guys . 

Good Morning , Blogger .